where does "words" come from andrew? i'm intrigued. and i appreciate the research behind shaving creme. i've been known to use soap for shampoo when that runs out, although i've never had the need to replace both soap and shampoo.
i just got a math grade back, and i'm kind of crushed, i didn't do as well as i'd thought, i feel like asking my prof if there's any hope for an 'a'. i feel discouraged.
so today was intramural track. we showed up at the field house (well, 3/7 of our team showed up) and saw that we were placed in the wrong events, on the wrong teams, etc. then we saw that some of the ex-track team was competing. i started warming up to do hurdles -i've never done hurdles in my life- when i saw some of our competition. intimidating. neither ray nor pat felt like running a track meet, so we left before it began! yeah, maybe we're pansies, but maybe we're cool too. i think i'd rather not participate than get last in two events. we still have all of our relays next week, plus a few more events. we'll be okay. once we left i ran with ray and pat out in the fer-reez-ing cold, and it was refreshing. we laughed the whole way.
i caught the 2nd half of the mens basketball game, we played pretty poorly but still won by 20. i think its gonna hurt when we play the good teams like kent and miami and ohio. it was pretty sick. no one other than kevin netter looks to even shoot the ball. and netter isn't that good. and his head is really little.
i'm driving to spring arbor tomorrow to go skiing. kurt and i are headed to boyne, michigan for our first runs of the year. its gonna be sweet. no one else could join me for the trip, though :( we're gonna have a blast!
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thumbs up: the ski slopes
thumbs down: 10 minute naps (they just aren't long enough!)
quote: "don't let him get away from that invaluable 'real life' " - c.s. lewis _the screwtape letters_
cd rotation: fountains of wayne (self titled)
i don't think i look like natalie portman. but brett does. and i'm kind of into it.
tuesday slapped me in the face today (remember the show mathnet with the girl named "monday"?). i was too tired to focus on math today, the class nearly put me to sleep. i talked to a different math prof today who is working on a grant proposal, and it was cool to see him because i don't think he's slept in a day or so. it's nice to see professors look like students again - unshaved, crazy hair, etc. i think he's gonna take it easy on us, too.
i might attempt to overcome my fear of skiing this weekend with kurt, how cool is that? i've gone a few times before, but a nasty wipeout has kept me off the slopes for a few years. its time to be crazy again!
the moog recording is coming right along, now that we are past the tuning difficulties and we've found the best tone. but, two days of recording and we're still not even finished with one song. how dumb is that?
from here, i'm booked up until 2am again. and not an ounce of schoolwork will be done. i love it.
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thumbs up: only one monday left in the semester
thumbs down: have you been outside? it's freaking cold!
quote: "blow me, ascunce" - brett
&
JA: "she's got a manly face."
ES: "well, she's still hot."
JA: "what if i put on a wig?"
cd rotation: taking back sunday: tell all your friends
i was thinking again today, about my last blog, and these decisions come up all the time. ex., after church brad and justin wanted to get something to eat, i told them i had to run b/c of the race that's less than 50 days away, which was just fine with me. but then i talk to justin later on, it turns out that about 10 people went, of which a couple i've not seen in months (liz and rene), and they end up eating at kfc for 2 hours. so i kick myself sometimes.
don't get me wrong, the run was great (but cold). next time maybe.
so my mom calls me and tells me, "eric, you've got to get me your christmas list. or else you aren't getting anything!" so i proceed to look online at some stuff i "need." i don't need any of it. i'm doing just fine without it. i mean, nothing even came to my mind that i need, just things i'd "like." for instance, there's a sweet bag (i want to say, a dope bag but that sounds like drugs) i found, its kind of a messenger bag with a laptop pocket. you see, i already own 1) a normal backpack that's in great shape, 2) a "messenger" bag that is also in great shape, and 3) a backpacking backpack. so i don't need another. but it looks cool, so i'm going to get it.
since when does christmas revolve around items of materialism that will just sit in my basement room? i don't need any more junk. i know it's trite to say that christmas is too material, but i can't think of any other way to describe it.
a digital camera, a digital video camera, a negative scanner & flat bed scanner combo, another backpack, another nalgene bottle, another tent, recording software, i don't need any of this crap.
picture page is about finished. i mean started.
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thumbs up: long runs, despite the fun
thumbs down: school & a drive to toledo
quote: "the squeeze is ill" - joel manahan
cd rotation: get up kids: four minute mile
i've found what's been gnawing at me for the last few months. you can see it in my blogs especially. i think i'm emotionally detached from a lot of things i used to put hope into. things like the band, or, friends & adventures & the thought that we - not i - can do anything we want to. i realize this after doing some thinking the last few weeks. you see, back in the day, around soph. year, i was full of hope about everything. i can distinctily remember walking to and from school on s. college st. and running through events in my mind, things that would be great. like the next pinewood show: i used to run over every song in my head, how we were going to play it, how cool we were going to look, etc. or a girl i had my eye on: when i would hook up with her next and what we'd do and how awesome it would be. you know, hope in people, and not just myself. that we would make something happen. something great.
but now, what's there to be excited about? the "future" seems so far away. i take pride in things like my schoolwork and in sports and intramurals and stuff, but what's the point if i'm doing it for my own satisfaction? when can i take time to live? i'll give you all the 'a's you want, but doing nothing on a saturday night is still doing nothing on a saturday night. it makes satisfaction seem empty. "if i don't let myself be happy now then when, if not now when?"
sure there's value in training for a job (re: college) and wanting to be the best person you can be, but to what ends? its hard to keep everything in focus when the future seems so distant.
i'm running 4X a week for a race that's two months away.
i'm working my butt off on applications, statements, essays, etc. for school that won't even start until next august.
i'm studying all the time for exams- which in itself is a good way to stay away from cramming- but what difference does an 'a' or a 'b' make on my transcript, esp. when my grades are already ok?
when we turn in our chips at the end, when we meet God for judgment (thankfully i'm not anxious about my spiritual future - read the book of John if you want confirmation), when all is said and done, what will matter? the 'a' on a calculus test, or the difference made in someone's life? sometimes i justify all of my studying and stuff for "yeah, i'll be an awesome professor, a Christian, and will be able to bless people with the talents that i've been given" which is all fine and good but what about the people here today? just because i don't have many huge decisions facing me right now doesn't mean that others don't.
in other words, i want to invest in other people again. i've gone through a period of retraction from people, friends, whoever, to focus on myself and be selfish with my time, my schedule, my life. it's time to open it back up again, to experience life and to have hope, not anxiety.
i don't know if either lifestyle is better than the other. surely we go through different things every year. that's maturity.
to this i owe reading "what's eating gilbert grape." i've read it before and i'm telling you, it's an awesome book. & also, chillin with skilly and fulch in the freezing cold at the ut-bg game.
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thumbs up: books
thumbs down: ut 42, bg 24, in 20 degree weather
quote: "we're never too old to feel *alive* "- peter hedges
cd rotation: didn't even listen to anything today...
