finally, the weekend hit around friday at 1pm, and i ate lunch with mike and heidi and took a nap and made some clean clothes out of the laundry. finally, this week was dragging on like you would not believe.
i finished the script on a valentines day movie for h2o, its gonna be great. we're starting filming tomorrow morning. i'm so excited to have my first actual script take shape and be acted out. plus, the soundtrack is gonna rock. it'll be finished in about a week.
kurt came in town and we ate so huge polleyes breadsticks (have you seen how much garlic butter they put on those things? sheesh) and hung out at ashley and michelle's where there dog just could not get enough of me. i didn't grow up with dogs, so i'm kind of awkward around them and i never know if they're playing or if they're mean, so they all laughed at me a little. there dog is little and i really want to drop kick it sometimes in very, non-violent sort of way.
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thumbs up: naps
thumbs down: rain (although that means the temp is > 32, so thats not too bad)
quote: "have you ever seen a bears?" - my math professor, the nicest guy i know and really funny. i told him i've seen three up close, he told me he saw some deer yesterday.
cd rotation: hey mercedes: everynight fireworks
we won by so much in basketball it was almost not fun to play. the other guys weren't having fun, 'that's for sure.' we won by over 50 points.
today had the potential to be disasterous. i've been having a rough week. i didn't have time or the brainpower to finish my homeowrok in prob & stat, fluids, or thermodynamics. but i was able to do a lot in class and actually got some good scores on them. then my meeting with my professor, whom i havne't met with since december for this h-long independent study, whom i expected to be mad at me and not very pleasant, ended up going very well. God is good.
kurt just told me he's coming home for the weekend, which is sweet, and there's a shload of other stuff to do to. i just received about 300 pages of documents to read for my honors project. yeah, the documents are reports from nasa. sheesh. this is heavy stuff.
i'll catch up to emails soon, i promise.
heidi - that 'escher' character is no ordinary artist - he's a brillian mathematician whose sketches are very, very famous in the sciences. he did lots of stuff with distorted reality and tessellations. he was way smart, i'm glad you're seeing his stuff.
justin - sucks about the fulbright. write a letter to the university and tell them how they screwed you over. i enjoyed the story in 9 pictures, too.
andrew - are you turning into a hippie? the long hair, peace rally, etc. its cool.
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thumbs up: wendy's monterey ranch chicken sandwich combo meal is only $4.99
thumbs down: two trips to toledo today
quote: "lets hold them under 10 points for the whole game!" - justin p., at halftime when we're up 37-7.
cd rotation: third eye blind, third eye blind
& saves the day "through being cool"
& radiohead "the bends"
i really have no business writing this blog, with all the homework i have, but i thought some of you (aka mike and andrew) may get a kick out of this example from my probability & statistics book:
"a disgrunteld anchorage bush pilot, upset because his gasoline credit card was canceled, fires a single air-to-surface missle and the alaskan pipeline. If the missile lands anywhere within 20 yards of the pipeline, major structural damage will be sustained and the flow of oil will be disrupted. assume that the probability function reflecting the pilot's expertise as a bombardier is the expression..."
and another example: "the image of a monkey sitting at a typewriter, pecking away at random until he gets lucky and types out a perfect copy of the complete works of william shakespeare, has long been a favorite model of statisticians and philosophers to illustrate the distinction between something that is theoretically possible but for all practical purposes, impossible....[then it gives the example, and that a monkey would not be a good typist by himself. but aided by a computer, he would be ok, not necessarily making sense but at least making words. the example ends thus:] right now [7-letter sequences] are not available, but given the rate our computer technology is developing, they soon will be. when that day comes, our monkey will probably still never come up with text as creative as hamlet's soliloquy but something profoundly simple-minded, *like a political speech,* might not be out of the question." (emphasis added)
the author of that book is funny.
in other news, one of my IM basketball teams won today, and it was ugly.
and i now have computer simulations and code from NASA to read for my honors project. i'm feeling overwhelmed right now.
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thumbs up: good snow pictures
thumbs down: MEETING WITH INDEPENDENT STUDY PROF TOMORROW (gulp)
quote: "i think i lost my virginity on that play" - after i got fouled really hard, and a no-call by the refs
cd rotation: taking back sunday: tell all your friends
okay, i have a few things to add to yesterdays post, let me get those out of the way quickly:
i think God works really well through circumstances and can speak to us by what does or does not happen in our every day lives. for those single guys out there, know that God can totally use that period for you to focus and grow in some other area. case in point: lets say i had a 'high maintenance' girlfriend right now. lots of time spent with her. spending time with her, although great, would mean i would spend less time elsewhere. if i wasn't single now, i wouldn't be able to spend as much time on school. so maybe God's keeping me focused on school this year to prepare me for graduate school next year. i need to do well in my classes to have any remote chance of doing well next year, so that's a big reason right there. i've also had time to spend with my new roommates and have been able to build friendships with them. i've had time to train and run a 1/2 marathon. i've been able to save a little $ and bless other people back with it.
not that you can't grow with someone; its really fun and i can't wait to do it again, but you can also make big strides by yourself and chisel out your own character. i'm glad, for that reason alone, that God has worked the way he has in me for the last few months. that's where my faith comes from.
***end of girl talk for a verry long time.
mike, i'm sorry you have to meet with tong sun about math. i've had him for class 3 times and he's nice, but not at all personable. tell him you know me and you'll be all good. yeah, right. i was in his class for like 10 weeks, and he didn't know my name. class size? 5 people. this semester, we only have 4.
and yes, i would like to see what you've been reading. i haven't done much as far as axioms and logic go, but it sounds interesting all the same. lets hang out sometime and figure this stuff out.
ray, pat and i were the only non-couple at my big fat greek wedding at the union. i'm not much for romantic comedy, but my roommates provided some lovin so it was ok. the movie was kinda funny but not my style. i totally sat next to this girl that i had geology with, a small 7 person lab so we talked a lot and were friends and stuff, and we totally ignored each other the entire time during the movie, i felt like an edwards or something.
for those of you who think the olsen twins are going to your school, i have news for you. they're not. go to http://66.111.43.11 and make your own cnn headline. ok, i can't get the website to work. but its something like that and i'll post it tomorrow, for real.
well i'm gonna go to bed and wake up early and take pictures of campus in all the snow. i walked from the union to the library tonight is some heavy snow and it was great. plus, every picture i give to carrie for the yearbook is $5 in my pocket.
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thumbs up: frostys
thumbs down: homework, especially for stupid classes
quote: "what's that dirt on your chin?" - pat
cd rotation: the rentals: 7 more minutes
i'm glad someone else appreciates math, besides me. check out mike's last two posts if you haven't yet. i heard an awesome teaching a few months ago about creationism/naturalism and the "accident" line of thought that you were following. the guy took it a step further, and said that thoughts were just impluses and therefore the idea of the naturalist theory was itself just an accident. it's hard for me to wrap my head around ideas like that, i should take a philosophy or logic class or something.
then you said this: "So the great thing to look forward to in Heaven is the final freedom, the ability to CHOOSE good EVERY TIME. Something that is impossible for us in our fallen state, in these stupid bodies that rush to sin all the time." and that's really cool - because we always have this choice, but for some reason its hard to do good sometimes, when choosing not to do good is so easy. the things we do that don't bring glory to God and to his work here on earth. it doesn't make any sense why we'd not choose him. but i'm still glad, as you say, that we have a choice to choose or not, because free will is so imporant to God that he made sure he gave it to us - the choice to love, the choice to live for Him is so powerful, it just gives him more glory.
and of course, math & physics are all there too! mike, wait until you get into the applied math & physics, the distinction between the two gets very blurry and in some of my engineering classes, its all applied calculus and differential equations onto things like water pressure and heat transfer. i hope you get tons of scholarship money, too.
so this story about a girl, you want. well, here goes. (warning, you're gonna gets into my head pretty far here)
most likely, i'm moving away from bowling green in august, maybe even in may or june. where to, i'm not sure, maybe to san diego or maryland or colorado, wherever graduate school takes me. i've applied for admission to 6 graduate schools and so i'm fairly confident in my plans to enroll in fall 2003. and so i know that it would be pretty backwards of me to get involved with a girl and start something becuase i know there's a concrete deadline in 5 months where we'd have to seperate, and that would potentially be very hard, yet i still want it really, really badly. all my intuition says to stay away from a relationship right now, but the insecure guy in me wants to go for anything that comes my way.
enter this girl. i met her a few months back, we talked a little here and there, and set up somewhat regular communication. nothing fancy, but enough to get my hopes up. let me state again, nothing fancy, but enough to get my hopes up. this girl has the potential i'm looking for. she's got style, she's got sport, and frankly she's hot. and she's got God. so i'm playing my reserve game, not busting out all the charm (due to the aforementioned circumstances about school) and the friendship starts growing. against all of my manliness, i try to play it safe.
then i realize that, "God is bigger than the air I breathe" etc. and that he can keep people together over long distances. i mean, look at justin and rene, as healthy as can be after 2 years of 2000 miles away. and they trust in God, and he's working in their lives. so i say, why not go for it? i certainly don't want to put God in a box and say he can't do something. so i take that thought and run with it, i don't ask this girl out just yet, but i really intentionalize trying to bump into her on campus or see her at church or something. i started to hold back some of my 'churchiness' (read: standards) in conversation or just in my thoughts, because i was so into this girl, and in case she wasn't into the stuff i'm into, like good music and goodwill clothes, etc.
but this doesn't work out either. i thought about this girl for a few weeks and kept building her up in my mind, and i almost had this pseudo relationship with her in my head. i mean, i thought about her a lot more than i thought about my friends or people i care about, family, etc. and i was trying to be cool with her while not being myself, nor being someone i really wanted to be. i was being 'jello man' again, moldable to any standard or any personality with the simple phrase, "that's cool." don't get me wrong, we need to be flexible and have soft hearts, but we as christians, as men, need to have standards and morals too. we need to be able to stick up for something and care about our cause. what are we without it?
well, the long and short of it is that i've been thinking about compromising standards, about settling for someone who i don't even know very well. don't get me wrong, i don't think i'm better than her or anything. but if i'm going to make a claim to be a christian, make a claim to live for God, and make a claim to try to be like Jesus then what the heck am i doing meddling with a girl just to satisfy my physical/emotional needs? i wasn't into *her* but into the idea of a *her.* looking for confirmation and satisfaction rather than fulfilling God-given needs. i kept thinking of the guy from 'saving silverman' who doesn't have a spine to stand straight with while living with his very hot girlfriend amanda peet. i was thinking that i would let go of my music tastes, my style, my ideas just to have this one girl, who i seriously don't know that well, to like me and be able to satisfy me. how screwed up are those intentions?
the points of this little story are:
-realizing that you don't have to compromise your standards just to get some affection. its the old tale of being yourself and that a girl will like you for you are, not who you try to be.
-realizing that God's got a plan, including you and your perfect match. he created you, don't you think he knows what you're like and your style and who will make the best match? chad and i were thinking about his once, and he said, that this (other) girl may be a great wife. she may bring out some good qualities in you and make you a strong man in the Lord. but is she the best person? will she make you the best that any woman could make you? she may be #2 on God's list, but all that means is that somewhere there's a #1. why settle for less than God's best? WHY SETTLE FOR LESS THAN GOD'S BEST?
-i'm not sure if you'll know right away if 'she's the one' but i think you'll know pretty early if she's not the one. it seemed glaringly obvious that this girl was not really for me, because of circumstances that seemed inhibit any close interaction, etc. what i did though was keep plodding ahead, and thinking that maybe God will conform to my plan, and not the other way around. thinking with my body and not my spirit.
-no matter what, God has *the* plan for you. not just a plan, but *the* plan. like mike said, we have to choose to follow it, which only heaps more glory on God.
let me add a disclaimer here: as far as this girl goes, she could be awesome at a later time, it just seems like i've been very stubborn and tried to make things work so hard when it seemed brilliantly obvious that God's hand was not on a relationship like i told myself i was looking for. i haven't ruled her out or anyone else for that matter, its just a matter of a paradigm shift and really trying to follow God's will rather than my own, and what i think would be best for me at this time. i don't think i did anything horribly wrong in my thinking, i am such a wishful thinker and i invest in a lot of things that i get disappointed by when they dont work out. i'm learning some more about cautious optimism and realizing that the best that i want isn't necessarily the best that God wants. i'm learning to yield to him.
ok, thats the post you were looking for. i should read over it and make it flow like i want it to, but i've been writing for like an hour so i'm going to bed.
i think i still owe emails to jake and heidi and chris, sorry, i'll get on those soon.
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thumbs up: homework finished by midnight
thumbs down: walking to class in -4 weather
quote: "sometimes i think i'm educated, then i think i'm really ditzy" - overheard in a sorority house from a co-worker, not a joke!
&
"you were so condescending" - death cab for cutie
cd rotation: jimmy eat world: bleed american
did you watch the super bowl? what a joke. that's why i contend that college football is better than professional. fiesta bowl vs. super bowl, i'll take the fiesta. and the bucks, not the bucs.
let me tell you a funny story. at eva & alesha's where we watched the super bowl amidst some old friends, we were about to leave after watching bon jovi (pronounced ho-vee) and i was rolling around on this giant exercise ball thing and managed to put both of my feet into a big bowl of salsa. not runny salsa, but chunky, spicy salsa. salsa on my pants. salsa on my shoes. salsa on my socks. and salsa all over the carpet. i first laughed uncontrollably for a minute or two, then felt terrible that the girls' carpet looks as if someone puked all over it. of course, i tried to clean up but couldn't because my feet were covered in salsa, so i had to go outside and walk in snow to clean them off. i do hope the carpet stains come out.
its totally not cool to have a ton of homework to do on sunday night, esp. when i was going to do it today (but didn't) and am really tired from getting up early this morning to play at church and from 2 hours of basketball. our intramural team is looking ok, btw. so as i was saying, i have a load of crap to work on, but i can't concentrate and keep getting frustrated. i hate school sometimes. a lot of the times.
i can't keep my eyes open any longer. i know its only midnight but i'll need my sleep for tomorrow, it will be a trying day.
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thumbs up: beth's cleaning service
thumbs down: salsa on the pants
quote: "i'll give you $2 if you run the next stop sign. for the kids, of course" - angie
cd rotation: the rentals: return of the rentals
oh, and i promise a good post about a girl soon. its about looking for the best in a person, getting disappointed, and realizing that you don't have to compromise your standards just to get some affection. God's got a plan including you and the perfect match, and i'm not sure how you'll know if she's "the one" but i think you'll know pretty early if she's not the one. so has it been for the last month.
yeah mike, my nose does still hurt a little after our basketball game. i kind of wish it had been broken because that would have been a much cooler story than "i got an elbow to the nose and it hurt a lot" line i've been giving out tonight. and hey, i liked calc 3 the most out of all my calc courses, and yes, vectors are pretty cool. i've never had dr. wade before so its cool he's working out for you. i've had gresser 3 times, and he's ok, if you've found someone else (like john chen) who's cool then stick with them, i say. gresser told me last week that he was discussing my mathematical techniques with some other profs and called my math "undisciplined" and "wild."
i have no idea what that means.
and it was kind of weird to hear that the math profs were talking about me, like i'm some hot prospect or something. "did you see schroeder's test from 434 last week? man, it was wild" or "that edwards, c'mon, don't you think he'd know partial derivatives by now? lets give him a project to see if he can redeem himself, he's one of the best we have in the AAA calc 3 minor leagues."
i checked out the bgsu men's bball game this afternoon and i was back into it. basketball games are really fun to watch in the student section where some guy was yelling at a player on the other team whose last name was 'smallwood' and another guy who had a broken nose face mask thing, it was so crass and i loved it. "get that shee of your face you fat f*" - actual quote.
maybe i should be a professional gambler. i won $12 off of my $5 tonight at the edwards' playing poker. i mean, imagine if i invested $5 million and got $12 million back? you don't have to be in calc 3 or have undisciplined math to see that i could be making some serious cash. i mean, i know a professor who flies to vegas weekly (he has a house out there) and counts cards to make a living. seriously. this whole 'school' thing is overrated.
countdown to graduation: 14 weeks. says justin.
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thumbs up: my little imovie "wishes"
thumbs down: sunday homework
quote: "i believe in you, your time is coming. don't give up tonight. there's a life ahead your time is coming. don't let go tonight" - the juliana theory
&
"i saw anthony at kroger and he said he'd be here in a little....wait, he's sitting right next to me" - jesse
cd rotation: dashboard unplugged (when are they ever plugged in?)
